Thirty-three years ago my wife and I married. Our courtship lasted two years, and though I was away at college a lot of the time, our relationship was filled with deepening respect and indescribable romance. At least that’s my side of the story.
Through these many years I’ve learned a number of important truths that has enabled our marriage to flourish. One is that when God created woman He was having a very good day, and another is that He was never more on top of His game than the day He crafted my wife. She has been and remains the perfect complement to my flawed personality.
I can be vain, cranky, impetuous, self-absorbed and stubborn. I am almost never satisfied and can loss my temper over the slightest miscue. My wife discovered these cracks in my character even before I did. But her unconditional acceptance continues to be a marvel of human compassion.
Another thing I’ve noticed through the years is that being a pastor’s wife is more difficult than being a pastor. A number of years ago an older, experienced minister made a revealing remark to my wife. He had just heard me preach when he commented to my wife, “I’m going to be praying for you young lady; you are going to have a difficult life!” He was right. It’s been tough, and I’m not talking about dealing with church folks.
However, I have learned a few things that have made it easier for her. For example, I’ve learned to let her be herself, to find her own niche in ministry. Coming from a dysfunctional home, my wife was frightened of church work. No amount of prodding could get her in front of a group of women to speak. She didn’t want to be the leader of anything. My impatience added to her frustration. But she was more than just a diamond in the rough; she turned out to be the whole mine. Though quiet, hundreds of women now look to her as a prime example of Christian womanhood. She just needed time to discover her place in the business of the kingdom.
I have also learned to let her be a mother. After the birth of our second child, we did whatever we had to for her to stay home with our children. At times she declined ministry opportunities because the kids came first.
Finally, I’ve learned to shelter my wife from some of ministry’s negatives. Let’s face it, pastoring isn’t always fun. If we’re not careful, we bring the bad stuff home and dump it all over our family. I do that sometimes. After one such unloading session, my wife replied, “If it’s so bad, why don’t you do something else?” That comment was a wake-up call. It really wasn’t that bad. I didn’t want to do anything else. I just wanted people to obey me and they wouldn’t. They still don’t, but she doesn’t know it, because I stopped bringing the garbage home. “