I have certainly witnessed many pastors who have felt so compelled to give their all for the cause of Christ that they interpreted ‘giving their all’ to include a neglect of their wives and children all for the sake of the ministry.  I would like to put forward the idea that family and ministry do not have to be adversaries competing for the attention and time of the pastor.

I was 24 years old when I accepted my first pastorate.  At first, in my youthful enthusiasm to be the best pastor who ever walked the planet, I invested myself in the church to the exclusion of quality time with my wife and kids.  One day while my dad was visiting, (dad was called to ministry when I was 10 years old) he told me that if he could relive his years as a pastor that he would invest more time in family relationships and less time doing the ‘busy work’ of ministry.  It caused me to contemplate how I was investing my energies.  As I began  to make some changes to better provide for the needs of my family, I felt guilt that I was placing my personal concerns over the work of Christ.  I know now that it was not godly conviction that I was feeling but a false guilt. I had chosen to convince myself that sacrificing my kids at the altar of ministry was somehow a spiritual act of service to God.

Thankfully, my youthful misunderstanding of what God wanted of me did not last long.  I came to  understand that having a great relationship with my wife and investing myself into my children is very much in the midst of my spiritual service to Christ.  In fact, it made me a better pastor.   When I interviewed for the pastorate of Calvary FWB in Norman, OK I was then 28 years old.   I told the pulpit committee that I would work hard as their pastor if they called me, but I wanted them to know that I believed that taking the time for family was very much a part of my role as pastor.  They agreed, called me as pastor, and gave me the freedom to be husband and dad.  I coached little league baseball, soccer and basketball.  Not only did such activity allow me quality time with my children, it allowed me to meet folks in the community that needed Christ and His church.  My daughter loved music and acting, so believe it or not, I found myself involved in community theatre.   In the mid-eighties there I was playing Rev. Thatcher in the play Tom Sawyer.  My daughter played the role of Becky Thatcher.  My wife and son also had parts in the play. They were all a lot better than I was, but we had great fun.  I do not regret in any way choosing to involve myself in activity that was not directly related to church activity.  In truth, though, even those activities benefitted my ministry and gave me opportunities to minister to many people outside the church.

I am very grateful that never once did I have to go to the police station because my kids were in trouble, never once did I have to take them to rehab to overcome an addiction.  I do not know that those things would have happened if I had not made the changes, but I do know I am thankful that I came to realize that family life and church work are neither  adversaries nor competitors, they are both opportunities for spiritual service.

Pastors, there is nothing praiseworthy about building a ministry and destroying a home.   May God grant each of us the wisdom and courage to invest our lives into people, starting at home.